Baby only sleeps when held

What it’s about

Many babies like to fall asleep close to a parent: while breastfeeding, with a bottle, in arms or in a carrier. Germany’s Federal Institute for Public Health (BIÖG) describes such sleep aids and how children get used to them – they then often look for the help again at night when they wake in between.

The BIÖG calls extra help with falling asleep right in exceptional times, such as in a new environment or after stressful experiences. It becomes difficult mainly when the help turns into a habit and the parents can no longer or do not want to keep providing it. Whether sleeping in arms is a problem for a family therefore also depends on whether it is easy to manage for them.

Why carrying calms

Japanese researchers studied what calms crying babies. Being carried while the mother walked around calmed the babies; being held while sitting did not. A crib that moved steadily had a similar effect. Five minutes of carrying helped crying babies fall asleep, even during the day at times when they were otherwise awake (Ohmura 2022). The researchers speak of an innate “transport response” that also exists in other mammals.

The moment of laying down

In the same study, laying down sleeping babies had two possible outcomes: some woke up, others slept more deeply afterwards. The babies reacted most clearly when the mother was just letting go of them. Whether a baby kept sleeping was linked to how long it had already been asleep before being laid down (Ohmura 2022). The researchers therefore suggest carrying a crying baby for about five minutes and then sitting with it for another five to eight minutes before laying it down – and stress that this suggestion needs to be tested in further studies.

This fits with babies having shorter sleep cycles than adults, in one study about 62 instead of 81 minutes (Hammad 2026). Between two cycles, sleep is lighter.

Closeness, breastfeeding and the night

At night, too, many babies seek closeness. In studies, breastfed babies woke more often: in a Canadian study, babies who slept through the night were clearly less often at the breast, and in an American study, breastfed children more often belonged to the group that only gradually woke less often (Pennestri 2018, Weinraub 2012). The Canadian researchers found no difference in development between babies who slept through and those who did not. The WHO recommends breastfeeding babies on demand, day and night.

In Finnish families, parents reported sleep worries often at every age up to two years (Paavonen 2020). Anyone with a baby who only sleeps close to the parents is therefore in good company.

Where the baby sleeps afterwards

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP, 2022) recommends placing babies on their back to sleep in the first year, on a firm, flat mattress in their own bed, and not falling asleep with the baby on a sofa (Moon 2022). More on this in the article on safe infant sleep.

What families do differently

Some families enjoy the closeness and stay with it; others want their child to learn to fall asleep in bed over time. The BIÖG recommends putting the child to bed drowsy but still awake. In a randomized trial, children with a fixed bedtime routine fell asleep faster and woke less often (Mindell 2009). In Finnish families, the time to fall asleep became shorter until the sixth month anyway (Paavonen 2020).

Which way suits is up to each family; staying as it is is just as fine. Moon Hour does not describe any method for weaning from it.

In Moon Hour

For every sleep you can note where it took place – for example in arms, in a carrier or in their own bed – and, for night wakings, what helped. That way you can see in the history whether something is changing.

If you are worried

Experts recommend contacting your paediatrician or your local out-of-hours medical service if you are worried.